Monday, August 02, 2010

Are You On the TSA Diet?

I am.  I don't consider myself overweight, but I've never been the type of rip off my shirt and flaunt my six pack on the beach. This is probably because I don't have a six pack.  Or big arms.  I've also got some small love handles.  In the past, none of this has really mattered that much.  I live in the bay area where it's cold most of the year and I work in a office that often requires a suit, or at least clothing.  Generally, I look fine in clothes.

The global deployment of body scanners poses changes everything.  Now, twice a week, I will be required to strip naked (electronically) for the viewing pleasure of the TSA staff.  Because I have no trust in my government's promises to do nothing with those pictures, I fear the consequences.  Those love handles will he electronically stored and distributed using the full power of the internet.

And so, I'm now starting the TSA diet.  The TSA diet is for all business travelers who used to think that it was just ok to look good in a suit.  We used to think of a six pack as a convenient way to carry beer, now we must we tune in to episodes of the Jersey Shore to catch up on what's what.

The foundation of the TSA diet is the elimination of airport food.  This is worst kind of food known to humanity.  Every Cinnabon you eat adds measurably to your waist line.  Also banned: those delicious warmed nuts they serve in first class.  Also, I recommend taking all your conference calls while walking up and down the concourse.  This is much healthier than finding a seat near the buffet in the Red Carpet Club. 

The airlines have long feared the security procedures will deter people from traveling.  This may now be true.  We can all handle delays and horrible service, but public humiliation?  Not for me, thank you.

What are you looking at?  (Photo from Flickr user Six Million Dollar Dan)

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